I was recently asked to guest write a blog post for a new friend of mine, KC Good Guide of Secret Experiences. I liked her questions and thought I would share that blog here. Please check out KC’s site, as well!

Her questions were: Can you short-circuit fear? Can you stop it in its tracks before it takes over your thinking? If so, how?

My short answer to this question is “Yes”. But like almost every other thing in our lives, we need to learn HOW to do that! Many times, we feel like our emotions are our emotions and there is nothing we can do about them; we just “have” them and sometimes they “have” us! I would ask you to consider letting go of that belief, or at least be open to the possibility that it may not be completely true.

Try this. Set aside some time and smile for about 10-20 seconds. After about 20 seconds, smile bigger, (show some teeth), for about another 10 seconds. After that, start giggling for about 10 seconds. Once you have giggled for 10 seconds, I want you to laugh out loud as hard as you can, (good belly laughs), for a WHOLE MINUTE! It may feel a little awkward or silly at first, but after about 10-20 seconds, your inhibitions will drop and you will be good to go for the rest of the minute.

Now notice how you feel. Do you feel happier? Do you feel tired? Are your cheeks and stomach muscles a little fatigued? Do you feel GOOD?

Wait until the next day, (the idea here is to get your emotions back to a more natural/neutral state), and try this. Frown for about 20-30 seconds. Let your posture slouch and your shoulders drop. Let your head hang down. Begin to gently sob. Really feel it in your belly. Next, begin to sob harder. Become vocal with your sobs, open your mouth. Begin to sob loudly in an agonized way. Do this for a full minute! Really get into the sadness and feel the emotion.

Now notice how you feel. Do you feel sad? Does the emotion feel real and genuine? Did you actually cry? It’s good if you did! That means you were really working it! (If you feel really bad and don’t feel like you are coming out of it, use yesterday’s laughing/happy exercise to change your mood).

Wait until the next day. Again, the idea here is to neutralize your emotions and come from a more natural state. This time, we are going to work on anger. I want you to clench your fists as tightly as you can and scowl. Tense up your arms and your chest. Tense up your neck and clench your teeth. Begin to growl slightly. Feel the anger building up within you. Stand if you feel you have to. Growl louder and begin to scream. Yell and scream and stomp around for an entire minute.

Now notice how you feel. Do you feel genuine anger? Is your breathing fast and heavy? Are you noticing that your fists are still clenched and that your jaw is still tight? Consciously begin to relax these areas of your body.

So what is the point of all of this? The point is that you can consciously and deliberately change your moods. You might be thinking that this is great for happiness, sadness or anger, but it won’t work with fear because fear is an automatic response. True, while fear is an automatic response, many times, so is laughter, tears and anger. Remember, I want you to begin to look at these things differently and notice that you have a choice in them. You can CHOOSE how you feel! Yes, sometimes, it is much more difficult than others, but if you begin to become aware of this and begin to practice, you will find it easier and you will become more and more efficient and effective with it. The first step is to really acknowledge and believe that you can intentionally have an impact of your emotions.

Here is what I would recommend if you want to “short circuit” or by pass your fear in a given situation, (and keep in mind, this will take some practice). The very first thing I would do is to do a safety check. Are you in any immediate danger? Are you being physically harmed? If you are, first and foremost, do whatever it takes to ensure your personal safety and well-being. That is always first and foremost.

Everything from here on will be based on the assumption that you are in no immediate or physical danger. Notice that you are feeling fear. You might even want to say it out loud, “I am experiencing fear right now”. The key step to managing your fear is to get curious about it, (I wrote a similar blog in regards to anger and you can read it here). When you are curious, it is difficult to experience any other emotion. Here are some questions you might ask yourself to help manage your fear:

• What is causing my fear?
• Where do I feel the fear in my body?
• How can I let that go?
• What is it exactly about this situation that is causing my fear?
• How is my fear serving me?
• How is my fear not serving me?
• What is fear costing me in my life? In this situation?
• Do I like living in fear?
• Do I have to live in fear?
• What other emotion would I rather be experiencing right now?
• What is my fear trying to teach me? What am I supposed to learn here?
• How can I be calm in this very moment?
• What do I know to be true about myself?
• What do I know to be true about my safety?
• How can I learn to trust myself?

The nice thing about this whole exercise is that the very same way you created happiness, sadness and anger, you can use this to recreate a fearful moment in your life, (make sure you are feeling the fear in your body), and then begin to ask yourself some of the questions above. Or come up with your own questions! As long as the questions come from a place of curiosity, they should do the trick! You will be teaching and training yourself to manage your fear in a productive way. It may also make fearful experiences of your past be less painful if you are able to step into them again, (while in complete safety), and begin to examine it as I had demonstrated above.

And go easy on yourself! If it doesn’t work the first time, don’t give up! You are actually rewiring your brain and trying to learn a new thought process while UNlearning an old one! This will take some time, but the rewards will be great!

Take care and I will talk to you again soon!

Tom Maher, CPCC, ACC
The Possibilities Coach
Tom@epcoachtom.com
www.epcoachtom.com